All These Years
by belloftheballinbluejeans
Summary: Seeing them kiss on her couch hurt. So she ran. Its ten years later and a job brings her back to Seattle, only to find a nub waiting for her.
1. Chapter 1

Ten years. Its been ten years. Ten years since I saw _her._ I saw _her _kissing _him._ On_ her_ couch. Like they didn't even know _I _was there. Or care. I slammed the door. _She_ looked up. _He_ wouldn't. Ten years.

I'm not Sam anymore. The bully, the demon. Nope. Not me anymore. I'm Samantha. The only thing I kept from my last life? Memories. And thats the was I wanted it.

~~~~~~~Seddie~~~~~Seddie~~~~~Seddie~~~~~Seddie~~~~~Seddie~~~~~~~~

"Hey Samantha, can you toss me that file on the economics of Japan?" yelled Tory, my reporter friend. She tossed her thick brown hair over her shoulder and turned to face me. I picked up a manilla folder on top of the desk she was pointing at and held it up silently. She nodded slowly, like I was an invalid or something, and I tossed it carefully to her manicured hand.

"Thank you." she said exasperatedly. I smiled and shook my head. This was our daily routine, it seemed. But we were still friends, after all. But not best. I don't have best friends anyomore.

"So you want to meet up later for lunch? I just read a review of this cute little bistro down on Alder, want to sample?" She asked.

"Of course!" I said enthusiasticly. Tori was the only one who knew today I wasn't going to be to happy. She was just trying to cheer me up. I decided I would let her. She reached out and ruffled my long, curly gold hair. I pushed her hand away and giggled. I wondered for a moment on how the people from my old life would act if they saw me like this. The old me NEVER giggled.

"Be ready if five, ok?" Tory said, snapping her fingers in my face, snapping me from my daydreams of my past life.

"Alright." I sighed as I sifted through my desk looking for my leather jacket. I picked it up and walked out the door, forcing myself to put one stilletoed foot in front of the other.

Freddies POV

Freddie Benson. Freddork. I grabbed my head in frustration then looked over at Carly, who was filing her nails, looking like she didn't have a care in the world. But she had tears in her eyes. This time was the hardest. She left 10 years ago, today, leaving only a tear splattered note behind her.

Freddork and Carly,

By the time you read this, I'll be gone. Not dead. Like I would kill myself over a nub. Not you Carly, love you to death. Just, I wanted to say goodbye. Please send your wedding announcement, you too lovebirds. My address is-actually, just send it to my mom. She knows where I am.

-Sam

Sam. Even her name sends chills down my spine. A fresh wave of tears assaulted me and the memories of the first few months after she left trickled in through the rock solid dam I had built, keeping her out. It seemed to know I was at my most vulnerable, so they just keep coming, until it was gushing.

_ "Carly! CARLY!" I yelled up the stairs in the brightly colored apartment. _

_ "What? What? I was watching TV." she said, then yawned. Her calm face instantly transformed when she saw my distressed one, soaked with tears and sweat. _

_ "Its Sam." I choked out, then dissolved into tears. I thrusted the note to her and then sank to the floor. _

_ I watched her eyes travel across the page, picking up speed as they went along. She gasped a couple of times but I just sobbed. I did this. She left because of me. Me. _

_ "Her mom. Lets just call her mom! It says right here. 'She knows where I am' why didn't you just call her mom as soon as you found this-hey, where did you find this?"  
>"It was taped to your door. Do you have her phone number?" I said, finally breaking my tears and deciding not to shed another tear. <em>

_ "No. She changes it about every week to keep off stalker boyfriends." she said after a minute. I felt a drop on my hand. It wasn't my tear. I pulled Carly into a hug and she cried silently into my shoulder. I awkwardly patted her head and a tear splashed on her raven-hair. _


	2. Bittersweet Symphony

**A/N I keep forgetting to put these at the beginnings of chapters...:(...but its ok, cause here I am, with another chapter! But I'm really sad...there was only two reviews. But I can't really complain, I only put this up a couple of hours ago, bu I'd like to give a shout out to emeralddusk and QueenV101! Weird...it says there is only one..huh. Ok, and I'd also like to give a HU-YOUGE shout out to my forever lovely BFF who would wonderfully supply me with details didn't have the energy to come up with ( ex. What style would you have if you suddenly decided to skip town?) so, go Tori! And the link for the bistro is on my profile:)**

**Disclaimer: All I own at the moment is a peel-y sunburn:(**

"Oh, Tor, this is the BEST restaurant you've brought me to in a _long_ time! Remember the-"

"Skeevy waiter? Oh yeah! He was totally making-"

"Googly eyes at me! I know!"

I sighed and stretched my arm over the black chair next to me and smiled at my friend across the shiny table.

"So, how have you been holding up?" the mood suddenly changed from lighthearted fun to heavy concern.

"Actually, I thought it might be harder this year, being the tenth, but its suddenly getting easier." I lied, and her face broke out into a wide grin.

"Well on that note, how about we go see Jeff?" she asked hopefully batting her eyelashes. Jeff was Tory's latest 'Love Interest'. She went through those faster then Carly did. Carly. Ouch.

"Ok...is he having a party or something?" I asked. Jeff's parties were not a fun experience for me. All it was was me following Tory around while she tries to set me up with some of Jeff's jock friends.

"No...not really...kind of..." she mumbled into her shoulder. I giggled and told her we could go, "but ONLY if you don't try to set me up with any of those nubs." she giggled, too, and by the time the check arrived we were in a state of hysteria.

_I had a barbeque stain on my white tee shirt  
>She was killing me in that miniskirt<br>Skippin' rocks on the river by the railroad tracks  
>She had a suntan line and red lipstick<br>I worked so hard for that first kiss  
>And a heart don't forget something like that <em>

I skipped over to Tory and tapped her shoulder, "Oh Jeff, I just- oh. Its you" then she stuck her tongue out and threw her arm over my shoulder and led me over too the couch. We sat down and she began to rant about what jerk-y thing Jeff had done this time.

"And then he said he was just smelling her? Who does that? I swear, next time I see him-" I cut her off mid-rant.

"Tor, I need to go home. Now." Either my tone or the expression on my face killed all the party mood in her eyes. She grabbed her coat and started to pull me to the Ford Focus in the passenger seat of her car and she shut the door. She hopped in on her side and floored it to our apartment in downtown Los Angeles. As soon as we got there I jumped out, leaving the door open behind me, and started my stride to the door. I got to the lobby and the relatively nice doorman took one look at me, and pushed the elevator door open for me. My deadpan didn't falter once.

I sank down to the floor of the apartment and kicked off my shoes. I pulled my left foot in my lap and started rubbing it. Tory sat down in front of me and looked at me sympathetically. She has had to nurse me through four of these already.

"Dude, I'm sorry. I know this wasn't the best time for a party. It was too soon." she mumbled, then pulled me into a hug. I instantly felt comforted and hugged her back. My mind was swirling with memories of iCarly and Freddie and Carly. The pain ripped through me like a rusty knife and then it was gone. I was numb. My face wiped of any emotion and I pulled back from Tory.

"I'm going to bed."

Freddie's POV:

"Come on Freddie. We've got to get up. We've got to move on. Sam's gone. She left us. We have got to forget about her. She is GONE, Freddie!"

**A/N Well this one is a lot shorter than the others...but ok! And my plans are for Sam to get the call in chapter three and that will show us all her trip until she *&%&&**^%%* (spoilers;) but I promise you, she WILL meet freddie in chapter four! Now review, my lovelies! I heard a rumor everytime you review, your husband/wife gets more attractive...DO IT!:)**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N well...actually, I have no idea if anyone is reading this...NO story alerts...and no reviews. Which makes me very sad. For serious. I was going to abandon this story cause I thought it was dumb or whatever but my BEST FRIEND IN THE ENTIRE WORLD told me that if I didn't she would hide my turtle. That confused me to the point I just sat down to write it. I don't have a turtle... But this is dedicated to my BFITEW Haley! **

**DISLCLAIMER: isn't the word disclaimer enough? No? Well ok then. I own some Artisian Rolled Wafers I bought yesterday...yum.:)**

(Freddie's pov)

"Oh my, Freddie I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to snap... I miss her too, okay?" Carly rushes out while striding toward me with open arms, "She was my best friend. Her leaving hurt me too. Even though we still haven't gotten aholed of her yet, we will. I'm sure."

"Yeah, but I don't think you realize its been ten years, Carls. She could be married and have five kids by then, and we are still hung up on her." I said, watching her expression carefully.

Her eyes betrayed a number of emotions and I couldn't help being reminded of Sam's chaotic blues.

Carly's eyes decided to stay on determinedness. She stood up, put her hands on my shoulders, and looked right at me.

"You know _why_ she left, don't you?"

(Sam's pov)

"Hey buddy, girly, wake up...come on girl, work, remember? Come on..." Tory yelled quietly to me.

grumbled some unintelligible grunts and sat up in bed, running my hand through my second day, wild hair. I took a deep breath and swug my legs over the edge of my bed. Stumbling through my closet I picked out some dark jeans and a floaty blue top.

After rushing through breakfast and such, we trotted out the apartment's door down to her Focus and drove on down to work.

"Samantha! Just the lady I was waiting to see! How would you like to take on a new job for me?" boomed Buzz, our editor-in-chief. He stroked his stubly chin and swung his body slightly to the side so his beer belly shook.

"Absolutely. Just what, and when, please?" I answered happily. This was exactly the thing to take my mind off of it.

"Apparently some lady just had her twentieth kid or something. Starting tomorrow, okay?" He rumbled and I nodded enthusiasticly, "-in Seattle."

My face dropped.

**A/N That was stupid short but It'll shut up my friend...and a question to y'all, does it ever specify that Wendy is a gossiper in the show? Just wondering...But iOMGed and totally Lost My Mind last saturday. Holy poop. :) Review, please?**


	4. My Mistake:

**A/N: OMG. Holy cow. You guys are awesome! I love y'all so much. And reviewers Embrace Your Inner Gibby, VeVe2491, QueenV101, Priincess Starlight, ****silvershark94, kpfan72491, and toffie311 for being the most gorgemous bunch of reviewers ever! I was so happy that I took a pen and paper to church and wrote during Sacerment Meeting for y'all! But I've got school tomorrow...blah. So it is:**

**DISCLAIMER: No.**

SPOV:

I quickly recovered and smoothed my face into its trademark expressionless mask.

"Seattle?" I asked hesitantly, afraid of the inevitable answer;

"Oh, yes. Rainiest place in the world, I hear." he spurted off. I heard Tory sigh a little behind me, "You'll leave at noon tomorrow, or nine tonight if it tickles your fancy. You'll stay three days, then zip on home, okay, cookie sheet?"

"Uh...if you don't mind, I'll leave tonight," I said, laughing at his nickname, "Can I bring Tory? As a co-reporter?"

"You bet your cello case." he suddenly yelled and then bustled away, his swinging belly with him.

I spun around and Tory grabbed led me to the wood doors we had come through minutes before.

"Time to pack! This trip will be good for you, I swear. I honestly doubt Car- they are still there." she tried to soothe.

"Oh yes. They've moved on with their lives while I'm here, not going a single day without thinking about them." I spat bitterly, my old Sam-ittude coming forward. Tory looked shocked for a moment; she was used to Samantha. She went on talking:

"Oh, I doubt they've forgotten you! Your Samantha Puckett for goodness sake."

"Sam. Call me Sam."

FPOV:

"Why she left? She talked to you?" I asked pointedly.

"Well...nothing she didn't tell you. I just know a bit more, you could say." she said carefully.

I got up from my seat on Spencer's old couch and in two strides I was at the kitchen table Carly was sitting at. (A/N**Carly had inherited Spencer's apartment when he was married three years ago**.) I put my hands on her shoulder's and pulled her up to face me.

"What do you know, Shay?" I growled. Undiluted anger ran through me in large waves.

"Well...you know when I asked you...if you...You know...wanted to start up again...like after the taco truck thing?" she mumbled.

**A/N- Sorry to cut you off there, but I just remembered this story. Sorry for that...i just started a new school and I got in a fight with one of my best guy friends. So this is what I had written, and I'mma just going to post it...I have the rest, which is at least this long, but its in my locker...at school...so yeah:) **


	5. Dropping Luggage

**A/N: Amazing. Thats what you are:) especially my reviewers. And for those people who asked about my fight with my guy friend, we made up and now we are closer than ever. I guess he is my personal love/hate relationship...but enough about me. Also thanks for liking Tory!**

**Lynne: thanks! And you won't have to wait much longer:)**

**1232121: thanks!**

**Disclaimer: Today I learned how to make a kool-aid slushie in CTE, but not how to own iCarly...**

**This chapter is dedicated to my best friends: M***y and T**i.**

_I walked into Carly's apartment without knocking, which is pretty usual for Sam and I. __537457 __No one was around so I sat on the suprisingly uncomfortable couch and took out my laptop to make some changes to the webiste. I heard someone run down the stairs and I looked up to see Carly dancing in the kitchen._

_ I laughed and sat down at the counter._

_ "Making some changes?" she asked in a sing-song voice._

_ "You betcha!" I sang right back to her. I don't know why we were in such a good mood; we just were. _

_ Carly grabbed some juice and walked around me to the couch. She sat and patted the seat next to her. "I have something I need to talk to you about..." her serious tone ruining the mood._

_ I sobered and sat in the designated spot. "What is it?"_

_ "Okay so you know about the taco turck thing?" she started. I felt my heart sink just thinking about the inevitable words following: "and you said that you would want to get backtogether again? So like, now?" _

_ And then she did something I never thought would happen. She kissed me. For like, a minute. 60 seconds. She pulled away, and all I could do is stare at a spot infront of the coffee table until I heard the door slam._

_ "Who just left? And Carly...I don't think thats a good idea. I know I used to love you, but now..." Carly surprised me again. She jumped up and started squeeling and jumping around. Totally confounded, I just stared. _

_ "I'm not stupid! I have to go find Sam!"_

" _Woah, who said it was Sam?" I asked, kind of scared._

_ "Is it not?" she asked slyly. I gave a non-commital shrug and she ran up to her room, squeeling again._

"She thought you said yes. Thats why she left." Carly concluded.

I gaped at her, not quite believing. The girl I loved thought I loved another girl. For ten years. A brief stab in my stomache, a feeling I've come to think of as the 'Sam Feeling', quickly assaulted me, but it was laced with something else. I has feeling ecstatic. Sam was hurt because she was jealous. Of me. And now that happiness left and was filled with a hollowness; Sam was hurt because of me.

I sat down at the table and put my head in my hands. I felt Carly put her hand on my shoulder, but I knew I couldn't deal with her right now. I shook it off.

"Well she thinks we are in love, for ten years, and we have no idea where she is, or if she is still Sam. Is it possible to fix this?" I asked thoughtfully, fully aware the hurt lacing my voice.

"Lets start with her mom."

**(SAM)**

I never liked planes. Even when I ran away to Califorina I took buses. Tory was sitting next to me, clutching my hand while we decended. I used my free hand to slam the window next to me shut, causing the other passengers to turn around in their padded, first-class seats to see who made the noise in this otherwise silent cabin.

"Ok Sam, we're going down now, its almost over." Tory reassured me. I felt us hit the ground and all my musceles relaxed. A cool voice came over the PA telling us we could leave now. I did. Walking out of the airport was easier than I expected. As we past the luggage carrisoles, I was hit with the memory of Freddie and I dropping Carly off for a week trip to Yakima... Which, now that I think about it, was stupid because its only a couple hours away from Seattle.

Tory hailed a cab, and she asked me where to go bacause we couldn't check in for a while.

"Why don't we go visit my mom?" I said nonchalantly.

Tory gaped at me; she had never heard me say anything nice about her before. It was mostly conmplaints and/or amazements that we could live like that when now I lived in a luxary apartment.

"She _is _my mom, you know. Its not her fault I left" Tory gaped harder, if thats possible. I never told her the exact reason I left. It was mostly just, "A fight with my friends" thats she got; not anything close to the exact story. I could tell she was waiting for more.

I didn't give her any. I told the driver the address, which I could tell Tory forgot was even still in the car. The rest of the ride was in silence. When we arrived at the musty, one-story house, I stepped out of the cab. I was looking at the ground and when Tory got out, we took the luggage from the car. As we walked up the driveway, I stopped short, causing Tory to bump into me and spill her luggage, grumbling at me. I didn't move to help her, in fact I didn't move at all, on account of the two brunnets at the door, staring back at me.

**A/N: hehehe! I know some people called the last chapter a cliffy, but...CLIFFY! Hahah! I liked this chapter a lot and it would have been up sooner if I didn't have to stop every five seconds to text my friend...she's having boy problems...OH SHUT UP, GIRL! And sorry if the spelling id very bad, this computer doesn't have spell check. And I have the next chapter in my head...I'll prob write it on Monday, up by Wednesday. Review, lovelies! Love you:)**


	6. I'm not dead

**A/N: Hey you ladies and gents:) Just so y'all know,**

**THIS STORY IS _NOT _ DISCONTINUED. **

**I have some written in long hand, and with school and my new story for fictionpress, plus friend drama (remember that guy friend I told you about? Yeah, him.) I haven't had time to type it up.**

**DO NOT GIVE UP HOPE ON ME.**

**If I give you a date for me to update, like, Wednesday, I'll think about it on Thursday and be like, "Oh poopie." **

**So sorry:)**

**I'll update in the next week. I pinky swear.**

**In other news, who saw iLove You?**

**Well, iDidn't quite love IT. **

**But it was different from when Carly and Freddie broke up, cause he wanted to, and now they are putting it off, so...**

_**FOREVER SEDDIE.**_

_**IT WAS SEDDILICIOUS, THOUGH.**_

**Forever in your Gibbyness, **

**Belloftheballinbluejeans.**


	7. Runnin' in The Rain

**A/N: Oh, my dears… it has been too long, hasn't it? To be perfectly honest, I'm not the most reliable person in the world, and I've been putting it off. I have some idea in my head… but none on paper. So I am apologizing as of now, this chapter has NO preplanning or preparing. I should be writing an essay, too, but… who cares? And I just remembered, in this story, the gang is about 26/27ish. Sam didn't finish high school, she just left. Okay, shut up. Start.**

(Freddie POV)

Carly and I tried fruitlessly to find Sam's mom's phone number. Even though we thought it was unlikely she still lived there, we decided to stop by her mother's house. On the cab ride there, we discussed what we would say to her when we found her.

"Well… we could start off nice, but I have a feeling Pam might respect us more if we came out assertively. How does, 'Listen. We know you have some information and we want it. We can do this the easy way or the hard way.' Sound?" Carly said, imitating some mobster/Jersey Shore type accent.

I laughed, and leaned over to ruffle her dark hair. Even though I was 27, Carly could still make me act like a kid. But not the way Sam did.

"I think more of a subtle approach. Maybe, 'Hey ya Pam, did you do something different with your hair?'"

Carly and I started laughing again, and the cabbie looked back at us and said, "So, when's the due date?"

Carly sobered and slapped him. The car veered and almost crashed into a mailbox I recognized as the one Sam always stuffed her rabid excuse for a cat into.

"Hey lady, it was just a joke! I didn't me-" Carly got out of the car and slammed the door, effectively cutting off any apology the man could have made.

"Uh, here's… some money…" I said, but my focus was on the door.

"Come ON Freddie! Let's get this show on the road!" Carly said, doing a little dance on the porch. She had the hindsight to run when she got out of the cab, because being Seattle, it was pouring buckets of rain. Let's just say I didn't.

By the time I was done standing, staring at the house, I was drenched. I finally realized what was going on, and I sprinted towards the door. We both huddled together for a minute, and then rang the doorbell. We could hear the chime resonate throughout the house, but no steps towards the door. We stayed there for a minute, not believing it.

This was our last chance, our only hope. If there wasn't an answer, we could pretty much give up on the gorgeous blonde-headed demon that made our lives a living, but undoubtedly fun, hell.

As I thought this thought, I turned to the street. I saw a cab pull up, and a short but attractive brunette step out, hauling two large suitcases behind her. When she finally tugged them out of the door, she dropped them on the wet grass and smoothed out her hair. She picked them back up, and started walking towards the house. I could see the door open on the other side, but the rain was getting too thick to tell anything but a black hood over blonde hair.

The blonde had only one small suitcase. They met back up and started walking up the driveway. Suddenly the blonde stopped, and grabbed on the brunettes arm. She tripped over her enormous luggage for a minute, but righted herself to look at the other girl with worry.

Suddenly, both of the girls dropped their arms and luggage. The blonde slowly turned to the porch, and I could make out long, golden hair and lightly tanned skin. I didn't want to let myself believe it.

Carly, however… "OH MY GOSH! SAM! SAAAM! SAAAM!"

Sam looked thunderstruck, and started backing up slowly. She was going to run. I noticed her shoes, which were stilettoes. Ha ha, Sam, you should know by now you can't run and be fashionable at the same time.

(CARLY POV 'ohemgee! Its Carly!')

You can't even imagine the guilt I've been feeling for the past ten years. It's been constant, and admitting it to Freddie had been one of the hardest things I've ever done. He looked calm on the outside, but his eyes only showed betrayal. _I_ made her leave. _I _made him suffer. _I _am a horrible friend.

Ugh. So that's why coming to her house had been so important. SO important. And now the doorbell is just ringing, ringing… Either Pam's drunk, not home, sleeping, or moved.

I sighed, and turned to Freddie, who looked like he might start crying again. I swear, if he wasn't in love with her, I would just give up.

(SAM POV)

Run. That's what my instincts were telling me, but my feet sure weren't. Note to self: never wear heels on a flight to the place you've run away from ten years prior. I was weighing the chances. Would it be easier to take off the shoes and run in socks? No, I had experience with that. Wet socks had horrible traction and ended up like little weights on you r feet. Take off the socks and shoes? Would I have time? I started sliding off my left shoe, and to my delight my sock caught on the zipper. One foot free. I kept it just barely inside my shoe and worked on the other one while I watched Freddie stare at me, and Carly scream my name. It's out.

"Ok Tor, here is the deal. I'm going to run. You stay here, I'll be back. Try and stop them. Please." I rushed out, then spun on my heel and started sprinting towards the highway. If I could make it there, I could find a cab. A cab to where I'll never know, cause Tory honestly didn't do a very good job of stopping them, because I only got maybe a half a mile before I noticed the sound of slapping shoes.

I knew they weren't mine, my frozen toes could tell you that. They were men's shoes. I pushed harder.

(FREDDIE'S POV)

She turned again to the brunette, and slipped of her shoes. Oh, crap. I started zipping up my jacket, and I watched her take off. I started after her, but the short girl stopped me.

"Hey, you're Freddie. I'm Tory. I'm kind of Samantha's only friend since she moved down to Cali… she said you guys got in a fight? Want to tell me what it's about? Is Samantha's mom here? Why are you here?" She rambled, a little out of breath. She beamed at me, but her eyes were filled with worry. I brushed past her without a word.

**WHOA this is exactly 1,000 words, not counting ANs. Well it will be if I use ten more words… easy:) REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW OR I WILL BE SAD:)**


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